My Love, Your Bondage Eats Me

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Toshio Saeki

Everybody is on their way.

Everybody is on their way too see you.

They are busy, on their way to see you.

Everybody wants you

But I’m sitting here…motionless

Unsure of how to move, how to interact when I see you

The clinical symptoms of a social anxiety

No, I just can’t move forward , and all i want to do is see you

I’ve plunged my heart into the middle of the oasis

Take a sip.

Drink from it.

Indulge me in my fantasies,

I want to watch you once more.

I want to watch you drink from me.

I want to watch you drink for me.

I’m your wine, sinking into your spirit,

I was with you once, remember my words inside your body , intoxicating your brain

You grew tired,

Maybe i was old

I was disappointed

I stopped

I didn’t want to be a burden,

But i didn’t know how to let go.

You burnt my heart, you showed me the mirror, the ugliness of our bond

It was bondage, you chained me, you played with me.

No.

You played me.

And I enjoyed it.

And it was just something for you to do.

***

I haven’t seen you in forever

I haven’t touched you in forever

Did you ever really feel me?

What did it feel like?

I’m not sure anymore, my mind is morphed and mangled

You used me,

And i don’t want to believe it

I created this abyss of illusion

Which I die, dream and shit in

And you, you are on another plane

Where a millions of you exists

Everyone can see you

And no one sees you

Is there a plane where no one can manage.

Is there a place still left for me

***

Have you no heart?

No actuality?

Even if you don’t want me, I have to know…what is real for you?

I care that much

“your the piece of gold, that flashes on my soul”

My love.

Your bondage eats me

Never resolve,

Till I die for you.

I want to die for you.

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